why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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