I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
