You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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