ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
