i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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