So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
