I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
