I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
