but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
