i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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