so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
