Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
