I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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