i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
