so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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