nut hugger
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
