3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just cut my nipple shaving
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
