ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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