I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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