Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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