Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
