He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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