Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
