you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
