Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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