i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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