Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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