Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
