Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We named our party play list daddy issues
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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