Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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