Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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