I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
