We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
