So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
