before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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