Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
