The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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