Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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