u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
