Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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