Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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