She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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