It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
