It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
