just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
