Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I forget how to act sober
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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