Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution