we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
