you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
