so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good