Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.

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(217): i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair. http://tfl.nu/v80o

Replies (25) Good night (1289) Bad night (7088)
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(516): View more from New York

i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.

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(516): i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik. http://tfl.nu/oo49

Replies (14) Good night (4226) Bad night (968)
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(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo

Replies (30) Good night (12061) Bad night (844)
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(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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(586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w

Replies (22) Good night (7926) Bad night (767)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

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(+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn

Replies (21) Good night (6807) Bad night (1105)
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(917): View more from New York City

I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

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(917): I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out. http://tfl.nu/g8zl

Replies (27) Good night (5393) Bad night (2529)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Fuck now we have to have sex

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

What?

(203): View more from Connecticut

In a bet, need to win

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(203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn

Replies (20) Good night (5456) Bad night (1163)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

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(740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth

Replies (12) Good night (5213) Bad night (829)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.

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(608): I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos. http://tfl.nu/skqb

Replies (1) Good night (1374) Bad night (539)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.

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(540): I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night. http://tfl.nu/isgy

Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (835)
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(850): View more from Florida

Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.

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(850): Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made. http://tfl.nu/7051

Replies (5) Good night (1861) Bad night (504)
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(904): View more from Florida

He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

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(904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer. http://tfl.nu/iriu

Replies (10) Good night (2336) Bad night (724)
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(979): View more from Texas

I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

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(979): I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you. http://tfl.nu/kkcg

Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (1435)
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(614): View more from Ohio

you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me

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(614): you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me http://tfl.nu/5ifz

Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (355)
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(850): View more from Florida

Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?

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(850): Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'? http://tfl.nu/7fyz

Replies (1) Good night (321) Bad night (396)

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