3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
