I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
