have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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