I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
