But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
