Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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