Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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