Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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