Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
