She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
