I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
