I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
