I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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