I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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