i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
