I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
