question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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