I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
