sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to align my fucking chakras
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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