We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
