please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
